people who speak in metaphors outta shampoo my crotch.

teeny baby Mylo, crying cause he wanted to,

I know everyone likes a feel good, positive, make you smile blog post.  So do I.  But sometimes, I just don't have it in me.  I have been procrastinating a new post for days now as I was waiting for some magic 'happy' circumstance to write about.  So far.....nothing.  Then tonight I just figured, hey, this is MY blog, it's about how I feel, so I can actually write whatever the hell I want to, right?  Kind of  like, it's my party and I'll cry if I want to.  Wow, really not so dissimilar when I think about it.

I don't have anything super specific to talk about, just a mishmash of stuff and things, happenings and not so happenings that equal our life.  To be blunt I  have been feeling pretty down and shitty of late.  I am feeling wrung out and exhausted and have been putting off doing important Mylo things because they scare me.  I SHOULD be interviewing and choosing a behaviour consultant right now so we can get M's therapy going, but we still have not received our funding agreement.  I suppose I am using this as an excuse (as I know the funding will eventually show up) because this particular task makes me feel inept, undereducated and entirely ill prepared.  

I mean come on, here's how it looks:  Hey parent of newly diagnosed autistic child!  We know you know next to NOTHING about this disorder, we know you are scared and sad and overwhelmed, we know your life just shifted completely on it's axis.  BUT, now you have to research, interview, hire, and manage your child's therapy/therapists, funding, bookkeeping and general well-being. AND you must do this all while still maintaining your 'other' life, taking care of your child and your family and keeping your sanity.  No Big deal, so get on it would ya?  Ok so I might be paraphrasing a bit, but you get the point.

It IS a big deal and one that makes me crap my kilt on a daily basis.  Hence forth, I have not made the calls yet.  I have made the list, but picking up the phone seems to be a gargantuan feat, which I have yet to come to terms with.  Blah, blah, blah, poor me, I know, total pity party.  Sorry, it is just the simple truth of what I have been feeling.

Alternately, I have also been feeling pretty elated with some new stuff M has been engaging in.  He has started putting things away.  My dream come true being the anal retentive, ocd, neat freak virgo that I am.  Not everything certainly and not even often, but enough times that it has made an impact on us.

saggy ball boobies in the pit.

We've watched him put balls back into his ball pit (along with many other things non ball related, the ball pit seems to be a repository for everything now), put his puzzle pieces back into their bin and just the other day, I watched something that blew my mind.  He likes to empty out my bin of baking supplies because they are accessible and he can.  So he pulled out my new box of disposable piping bags which came with three little plastic piping nozzles attached to it.  He systematically pulled each nozzle off the box, examined them and them put them back into the bin!!! If that wasn't enough, he then put the box of piping bags back in as well!  I know this may seem like no great shakes, but for us it is massive and we danced a jig of joy around the kitchen.  Colour me proud Batman!

Ok so I just managed to cheer myself up writing that, yay me!  I should also note that M had a play date with his first autistic pal today.  It was wicked awesome.  They totally ignored each other, did their own things, didn't have freak out meltdowns and both C's mom and I figured they just knew what each other was about.  It was really beautiful to watch.  Also cool is that C is a little older than M and was diagnosed almost a year ago .To see the progress she has made and imagine that M will be doing those things too makes my insides turn to mush and my soul sing.  I am so happy to have met C and her mama.  It turned out to be a great day after all.....now if only M would sleep past 4:00am.  Only love.

sidenote*  blog title is another movie quote.  Relevant to this blog post in any way?  Nope.  Funny?  Hell ya!  (do you know the movie?)