Friday 30 March 2012

groundhog day. you know what today is? it's tomorrow.

Just pretend it says 4:30am, ok?  I really dig this clock.
♫ Then put your little hand in mine.  There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb. Babe. I got you babe..... I got you babe. ♫

I'm sure we've all had weeks in our lives where we felt like we were on repeat.  Despite small shifts or subtle changes in routine or people, things seemed eerily similar from day to day.  And then they didn't and things went back to normal (whatever normal is). Everyday now, I wake up and wonder if things are back to normal.  But every day, I wake up, and  life is still stubbornly stuck on repeat.  For us, Autism has sauntered in, staked it's claim and decided that here, in our world, it's groundhog day, all day, every day.  THIS IS the new normal.

I'm not saying I hate it.  I am after all one of the world's biggest creatures of habit and schedules make me happy.  What I am saying is, it isn't easy.  We now live and and die by My's schedule, M's routine, M's needs.  Yes, any and every parent does too, we are certainly no exception.  There is, however, absolutely NO margin for error with him.  M is a-ok with changes, he adapts well to new environments and is not fussed by people anyway, so adding new peeps to his surroundings doesn't phase him.  The truly defining aspect's of M's life are simply food and sleep.  And lord help us if we don't get the sleep part right the first time, we'll spend weeks picking up the pieces.

Sleep.  sleep, sleep sleep.  Maybe if I keep saying it, more of it might be had around here.  It is a precious commodity indeed.  Our groundhog day starts pretty much every morning (if you can call it morning....we certainly don't) between 4:30 and 5:30AM. Yes, you read that right, AM.  4:30am seems to be the magic number in the last few weeks.  And once M is up, he is UP.  There is no getting this boy back to sleep.  So our day begins and follows the same routine, the same schedule, the same sameness right up until 7pm when, after he goes to bed, our 'alone' time seems to follow a pretty similar trend.   Man, are we lame.

see?  fun stuff!
I hope I haven't given you the impression that I never do anything with M or take him anywhere.  On the contrary, every day I take him as many places as I can force my sleep-deprived body to endure.  We do tons of fun stuff, but all within the strict confines of his sleep (and to a lesser degree food) schedule.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times we have had to explain to people why it is we can't just pick up and spend the day doing something or going somewhere with them.  Honestly, even when we do explain it, there are not that many folks that can truly grasp  the idea of being married to a kids sleep needs (if only divorce were an option here...I kid....sort of).

don't drive angry!
My point.  For us at least, Autism has reshaped not only who we are and how we view ourselves, but it has reshaped our days and nights.  Days meld into one another, without a hell of a lot of variation.  Weekends?  What weekends?  It's groundhog day, all day, every day.

I guess I just wonder and suppose hope, that with the introduction of M's therapy (which we are steam rolling ahead on...YAY US!) things may start to look a little different from time to time and maybe, just maybe, we won't wake up today and have it already be tomorrow, or yesterday.  Only love.

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