Tuesday 7 February 2012

sometimes life really IS like a box of chocolates ...or something.

I was cruising right along, blogging my little heart out for that first week.  I felt I had a lot to say, and always had a few good ideas for posts swimming around in my already overloaded and cluttered head.  Then Friday happened.  Friday was D Day.  Diagnosis day. My urge to write dwindled.  I find it strange that is has affected me so greatly, as it came as no surprise at all that yes, our kooky little man is autistic.  We have known for 6 months what they were going to tell us and even as I sat there listening to her explain the diagnosis and the cursory next steps, I wasn't freaking out, I wasn't shocked, I wasn't even crying.  I guess I must have put on my big-girl panties that morning, as I had to receive the news solo (R could not take any more time off work) and as such, I was being very brave, listening, trying to absorb as much info. as I could and generally putting on a good show.  For who?  No idea.  Maybe just myself?

That steely resolve didn't last too long. I hightailed it outta there, called R to tell him I was on my way home and then the tears came.  They weren't big, wracking, gut-wrenching sobs, just a steady stream of quiet tears filled with sorrow, heartache, loss, anger and all the many months of pent up emotion I had buried so deep.  I am not a crier, though I kind of wish I was.  It always amazes me how cleansing a good cry can be.  So, I drove and I cried and I thought about my Mylo and what a tough road we all have ahead of us. The reality is, though, Mylo is fine, Mylo is wonderful.  Right now, he has no idea that life could or should be any different. I hope with ever fiber of my being that our early detection and intervention helps him to bypass a day when he will be cognizant of his differences, but for now, he is blissfully unaware.  The catch is, we aren't.

This leads me into what I intended this post to be about.  Friends.  Hallelujah for friends!  Rogan and I have both always been kind of hermity, even before we merged our lives.  We did, however have a nice network of friends we adored and hung out with before the boy was born.  I say before, as it seems having a special needs child who takes up virtually ALL your time and leaves you with nothing to offer anyone, has a way of eroding friendships. Sad but true.  The happy news is, since moving out of the city, I have made all sorts of wonderful new friends both near and far.  Some I see or talk to everyday and others I have never actually met in person.  Regardless of the distance, I know each one is there for us.  They support us, they share in our joy and our disappointments and they let us bitch and complain when that's all we really need to do. In short, they are awesome. 
little Mylo in his autism puzzle pants!

Just the other day, my friend C (whom I have never met, but is a fellow ASD mom, blogger and doll maker extraordinaire) sent us one of her hand made dolls for Mylo.  It is the sweetest thing you have ever seen.  It was a gift, a gift she made and sent because she knew the pain and heartache I was going through during M's assessment week.  How RAD is that?  Thank you C, I feel so grateful to know you and call you my friend.

Today I received another gift, one which I would prefer to keep private. But, I would like to extend a massive thank you to B and G, you wickedly awesome women, and all the other amazing moms in my moms group. Mucho love.

The point of this post was to try and demonstrate that despite things looking/feeling grim, despite me currently being in a rotten head space and feeling alone, I know I'm not and I am one grateful mama.  Sorry if I buggered that all up. 

1 comment:

  1. Another fantastic blog! Different stages of our lives bring us different people and they are all in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime...and sometimes, if we are really lucky, all three.