Mylo had a little playdate today with his pal C who is right around his age and pretty fabulous. M mostly ignored him and his lovely hugs, but that is to be expected.
I hope there will come a day, soonish, when I stop aching and feeling like I am in a slow, downward spiral after spending time with normally developing toddlers around M's age.
I LOVE this age. How many 'firsts' can you cram into a time period without your head exploding from the sheer joy of it all. I know what Mylo should be doing now, even though I also know that, disability or not, every little person grows, learns and develops at their own pace. It doesn't really make it easier knowing. And no, before you ask, I do NOT begrudge, hate on, or otherwise feel angry at parents of NT kids. I do, however, envy them.
I envy them all those 'firsts' that come along in and around where they should, the way they get excited by new things, but not jump up and down, shit your pants excited, like an ASD parent does when their child gives them more than 5 seconds of solid eye contact. They get excited because they have been expecting the next big 'thing' to happen and don't have to wonder for too long if and when it will actually happen. I guess you could even say I am a little jealous. Can you really blame me?
But again, I stress, in no way, would I EVER want any of my mama (or dada for that matter) friends to think I can't handle hanging out with them or their kids. It makes my heart sing to watch M's little friends chatter away, hold their mama's hand, use a spoon or play (appropriately) with a toy. How could it not, I love those kids (and their mamas).
It also makes my heart sing to watch my sweet boy do the things that HE loves and that HE knows how to do. I am trying to find a way that I can mesh the two and come out on the other side with a little less bruising around my heart. It is lesson in acceptance on a few different levels, and one which I am sometimes struggling to learn. Please bear with me. Only love.